Do you have someone in your life that makes you cry more than others? If you have depression, you may have a person or persons around you that have a certain way of triggering your symptoms more than others. These individuals usually make you feel helpless, hopeless and in deep despair.
This has happened to me in my life more times than I can count. Thankfully, I have worked through my depression over a period of twenty years. Now that I’ve come out on the other end, where I have some peace and happiness in my life, I can share some things that may help you out.
First of all, tell that person to go to Hell. Wait! No, no, don’t do that! Sorry, I had a lapse in the good judgment I’ve learned to develop in my long recovery. But, has this thought gone through you mind in anger when someone has hurt your feelings? Maybe you’ve even said these very words, or worse! I know I have. I’m a human being who is definitely not perfect.
Consider this. The very feelings that would have you lash out harshly at someone who has hurt your feelings tells you something about the situation. At that moment, when you want to say something but instead you run away and cry or get depressed, you are actually MAD! Did you ever think of that? You’ve turned your anger inward toward yourself.
We beat ourselves up. We’ve taken what the other person said or did and blamed ourselves. Our thought patterns then turn the problem over and over and over. Before long we are feeling sorry for ourselves. Which, by the way, is not wrong. It’s okay to feel sorry for yourself.
The difference for me today is this: I’ve learned over the years to confront situations in a healthy way. I don’t need to cry. I have gotten faster at realizing that I’m actually angry at the offending person. From here I can take various actions to remedy the situation in a rational way.
Don’t get me wrong. This skill didn’t happen overnight. First of all, I can’t do this if I’m not taking my medication. It took years of endless adjustments with the psychiatrist to get the “pill cocktail” right.
There were times I wanted to give up, either from being too drugged up; to gaining weight; to having no relief from my depression. At one point I did! I took myself off everything! I call this my “white knuckle” period of time.
What a mistake. Two years of needless suffering when I could have been working hard at getting my medications right. Live and learn. Don’t try this at home kids.
It’s hard to think rationally, identify your feelings, and use your new coping mechanisms when the brain is not functioning correctly. So, my advice is stay on the meds. I know they are a pain, and you don’t always feel good on them, but it can get better. It really can. Stay the course.
Second, in my journey with medications, I was also going to therapy. This is the important part. You have to try and do some of the suggestions that the counselor proposes. I know it’s hard when your brain is like scrambled eggs from crying so much. Please try. It’s important. It works. I know because I did it.
So, the next time someone really hurts your feelings, try to see if you are actually angry. Do you really want to “tell them off?” If so, you may be angry instead. You may be turning the anger inward toward yourself.
Even so, please don’t go around in your anger yelling, screaming and causing mayhem now that you know you are actually angry instead. Identify the feeling then see a professional for further guidance.
Since our depression has been running amok for so many years, we don’t know what to do with our newfound feeling of anger. I didn’t. I had to learn a healthy way to work the feeling of anger out. I found some techniques that set me free. Lashing out would cause me further issues. Who needs that?
Not everyone will identify with this article. Everyone processes his or her depression differently. I’m just here to give one perspective to consider.
Stay well, my friends. I hope you feel better soon. I really do.